THE SUMMER I WATCHED "THE 400 BLOWS"

I've tried to run away from home.

The circumstances are unimportant (a petty dispute with my mother), but I was determined to make my escape. I packed my piano books, my stuffed bears, and I headed to the next door neighbors to sleep on their trampoline. The notion that that was more comfortable than my own real bed was obviously beyond me, but my mind was made up...until I reached the end of our driveway. With layers of guilt-tripping, I was coaxed back in and forgot about the situation for a while.

I wish I could say it was the only time I made the effort. Without getting too wax poetic, when I don't feel understood, I feel the need to retreat. To a "somewhere" place where I might be listened to, heard, and seen for what I was at the time. Exhibit unknown: I fled to Denton from Belton.

A beloved photo I call "Bunny Hop."

I've never been the greatest at "being where my feet are" as it's been said. I don't settle well, I cannot stay still, and I need to be going "somewhere." I couldn't even handle being goalie when I was in soccer because I would've rather run around and chase my shadow. There was a legitimate reason that my nickname was "Twinkle Toes." However, as is life, things change.

Today and for the an unknown period forward, I find myself back in my childhood home. Under my parents roof without a job is something I haven't experienced by choice in years, and it finds me in an already transitional phase in my life. Although there are many things I feel I SHOULD be doing, I'm truly meant to be where I'm at right now.

Over the summer I learned many things. I had my first professional on-set experience, worked many hours at Dutch Bros, and watched many movies with my friends. The highlights that I choose to share in this film are these: François Truffaut's The 400 Blows, and the palindrome of "do Geese see God?"

“Taking initiative” when you’re at a certain age age is running and grasping what we can to make sense of how overwhelming life is. An almost justifiably deviant french schoolboy gets it. -my own Letterboxd review.

Above is the protagonist Antoine and another mischief-ridden child fleeing a scene with a typewriter they're willing to pawn. As the band boygenius would proclaim, "When you don't know who you are, you f*** around and find out." Safe to say I've sympathized with Antoine and the boys on that one.

I've had short hair and made enough poor decisions to know that I've successfully "f***ed around and found out." But isn't finding out the most wonderful thing? Take the palindrome with a grain of salt, but it was something wonderful to be found out.

Cover for Geese's third album, "Getting Killed" courtesy of bandcamp

?DO GEESE SEE GOD?

Connecting to all forms of media, my boyfriend and I also dove deep into Cameron Winter and his band Geese over this summer. Our roadtrip to Colorado solidified such. However, I have an aversion to the animal for its generalized irritable disposition. I was snapped at by one of their stupid bills when I was younger. The same finger where my pencil callous grew over my lifetime of writing things down. I used to tell a white lie and say that the callous was from the "geese bite," but I think it was safe to say that I was just...f***ing around.

@ The Leechpit Records & Vintage in Colorado Springs

It's also safe to say that I used to think the palindrome was complete bullhonky. Geese are mean and couldn't possibly have the bandwidth of having a relationship with God. However, upon reflection and semi-rationalized thinking: if God made geese, then geese MUST see God. They just won't tell us because they lowkey suck. Personality appears in all living things, so I declare that their species lacks any social skills whatsoever.

Unfortunately, given my circumstances, my social skills are lacking as well. I fear I may be no better than the average goose. At least I'm a silly one though, right? Hopefully a friend reading this chuckled at that. That thought at least puts me at ease.

When I find out, it will be wonderful.

Listen to some Cameron Winter, Geese, or boygenius. Watch the mark of mischief in any Truffaut film. F***around and find out something. One day at a time.

Cheers,

Mo Lee☼